Terry Wants You to STOP Using The Internet

It is ironic that when Terry plans to build a network, it is well over-built: 4-ways redundant paths, multiple power-failure counter measures, massively over-provisioned, etc... But when it actually comes time for users to do what their name implies -- use the service they are paying to consume, well, Terry doesn't quite like that and often recoils.

http://brainstormtech.blogs.fortune.cnn.com/2009/12/28/what-brought-att-to-its-knees/

Could Richard Attenborough Be The Voice of Terry?

I've been thinking would would be the voice of Terry if we ever decided to make a movie about Terry Telco, and I've come to the conclusion that it would be Richard Attenborough:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Richard_Attenborough

Terrnovation

Terr-no-va-tion [terr-noh-vey-shuh] n,

-noun

The lack of innovation. Opposite to progress. To stop things in dead in their tracks.,

See innovate.

Related Forms: Terrivation (verb)

Terry-thon

A long event (sometimes called a "HotHouse" or "brain storming session") whereby Terries gather together and devise very non-clever, and backwards methods for network design based on arcane, 70's circuit-switched methodology such as pushing new and clever mobility technologies over PSTN landlines.

Not-so-Working Model for Internal Operations

After messing around with an online training course entitled "TerryTelco's (not-so) Working Model for Internal Operations" for 3 hours the the other day due to Terry designing it to work only on a specific (internal) build of Windows, on a Terry-approved laptop/desktop system, via the Terry-approved VPN (that only works on previously said configuration) I've learned one thing: That Terry's "Working Model for Internal Operations" is really about about keeping employees busy instead of being productive by having them spend 3.5 hours to complete a training course to learn about the model.

Marketing People Believing Their Own Marketing

I was watching an interview last night on the news with the CFO of GM. His whole schtick was about how they were going to be reinvented into a new company through brand reductions and wait for it.... pumping more money into marketing and advertising. I thought to myself, does this guy really believe that more adds will sell more shiite cars? Then it occurred to me that TerryTelco.com has similar minded executives. For example, in a place that believes that internet use is down because there is nothing on the internet worth using or looking at -- not that its because the performance of the broadband network is so poor (or the access lines provide so little bandwidth) -- Terry instead will pump loads of money into marketing the next bump in access speed and call it "Ultra Super Duper Quick Broadband". There will be millions spent on lavish and exciting advertising around the launch of this service, but in the end the reality for the user will be the same as with anyone who has bought a GM car recently: disappointment.

When Life Gets Bad, Lower Your Expections Until It Gets Better

Not long ago the leadership team at TerryTelco.Com was instructed to go to an HR-sponsored "leadership training". During this training we were instructed on the virtues of repositioning our thoughts and feelings about different situations and how this could be done in such a way as to be to our advantage. At first this seemed to make sense until it turned into an L. Ron Hubbard Dianetics seminar. The instructor told us that in essence, it was our minds getting in the way of our happiness at work, as well as perhaps a lack of progress. What we needed to do is one of three things:

1) Accept the situation.
2) Think more positively about the situation until it made us happy.
3) Leave.

Since the first option was counter to what the seminar was on, we skipped that one. We also conspicuously skipped the third one: no one ever leaves TerryTelco.Com, right? Finally, we dug into what the second point -- the brunt of his thesis -- was. So he gave us this example where we had to think of a situation that was seemingly impossible, and to think more positively about it. Magically, those of us that have not been brainwashed through 30 years of employment at TerryTelco were amazingly unconvinced. This is rediculous, right? It gets better. One of our more outspoken colegues decided to give an example of how this was complete and utter bullshit. He explained why one of the systems we were made to use was well, I will not use the actual term he used, so for lack of a better term let say he called it "a sham." When he explained that there was no way in hell that thinking better about this system could make it better, the HR representatives blinked in utter puzzlement. Then they looked at each other, much like two deer might in the woods, smiled then completely ignored his point and re-explained his original point as if our colegue was daft and just didn't get the point. When I looked around the room, I noticed that the other Terries in the room were too shocked. Afterall, whatever HR feeds us is good -- don't resist, is apparently the mantra for Terry.

When our colegue re-explained his point -- using a much louder tone this time as he is known to do -- the HR people looked at each other with even more confused and then frightened looks. At this point I really thought they would call security and have him taken away to the HR centre to have his brain 'fixed'. Fortunately that didn't happen. We left it at that and continued on to the next section of rediculous training.