Terry's Cost Cutting Maneuver of the Week

Terry is on the rampage to save money these days. Rather than cutting costs by reducing the number of Terries around the shop -- which would definitely help things on a number of dimensions -- he again prefers to nickle and dime us to savings Nirvana.

One example is the other day when I went out to a local take-away place to get some sushi for lunch and forgot to bring cutlery back with my food. So I went up to the canteen and asked the friendly, helpful girl on the till, "do you have any plastic cutlery?" She replied, "What do you want it for?". Amazed that she could think I wanted it for any other purpose, I said, "to eat something" . To which she replied, "You'll have to pay for it", she said, "it's 10p".

You can't make this stuff up.

Anyone With Intelligence Need Not Apply for A Job at a Telco

Last week a dude in my group -- lets call him George -- had been having a really, really bad day due to the airline loosing his luggage and just being general shits about locating them. At one point he was about to put his fist through his monitor after talking with them when they suggested that next time his bags might not disappear if he travel with less expensive ones.

So to calm things down, another guy lets call him Jim, says, "hey man lets go upstairs to the canteen and I'll buy you a tea." So they go up to the canteen. George who does not like to use Styrofoam because he is concerned about its over-use, decides to grab a paper cup instead. gets a tea and goes in line. The woman at the register rings him up and says, "that will be 65 cents please." George says, "but I've got a tea in there, and that is 40cents, right?" She says, "Oh dear Sir, Telco Regulations require that I charge based on the container and since you've got a paper cup its 65 cents." Luckily Jim was there to stop George from jumping over the counter and strangling this poor ninny.

This is a good analogy for why deep packet inspection might be necessary. Charging simply based on the container isn't always the way to best maximize or economize the charge for network traffic.

Virtualisation should make life more flexible

I use a Mac as do many of my colleagues, although the majority of my company use PCs. Using a Mac isn't completely trouble free as some of the intranet applications I need to use are PC/IE only. I heard my company was providing Virtual Machines of the corporate PC build to testers and thought this would be ideal - I could run the corporate PC as an official VM and not have to have a second PC lying around for those times when something will only work on PC/IE.

Apparently that would be too easy as when I contacted the Terry who dished them out I was told "Sorry, we do not provide a corporate VM for running on Mac devices" and was told to contact a second Terry to query the policy. Despite leaving voicemail & sending email I'm being ignored.

Pushing Terry #1 a bit more went nowhere either and was just met with "I am not the decision maker here. I have more than enough on my plate, and no particular desire to challenge on this".

Well thanks for your help Terry!

Light on the Dough, Heavy on the Nuts

Terry is very uncomfortable with conflict. I think we've discussed this before.  One example is how in today's current economic climate, Terry has to make tough decisions like making choices about how many employees he can afford to keep on staff but he will avoid this decision as long as possible.  Due to lots of concessions and agreements he made with his employee unions in the past to avoid conflict then, he is now faced with many difficulties related to how to prune his staff now -- in effect paying for his past mistakes now. The hard decision of whether or not to axe staff is difficult under normal conditions, but by avoiding conflict during the good times when the contracts were negotiated he is now faced with even worse conditions and worse -- extremely conflict-full situations. To avoid this -- or rather delay it a little longer,  he now decides that cutting costs (and benefits) for everyone is apropos: bonuses, salaries, travel, etc.... He will not fire workers yet despite the writing on the wall even though it would mean that this would likely keep the standard of benefits for those really productive workers at current levels.  You see, Terry likes it when all things for all people are equal, and this includes  preserving jobs for even the Twinkies (R) at the expense of the well-being of the others that really get the work done.  This is why often jobs in Terry Town are short on the dough, but heavy on the nuts.

Progress Calmly Into the Comfort Zone

A colleague was recently taking an internal Stress Management course and stumbled upon this line in the guide in the section pertaining to fire alarms:

"When the alarm first rings we are stimulated into arousal and progress into the comfort zone."

Complexity

I came across this family tree of US Telecommunications companies:
http://www.neatorama.com/neat/family-tree-telecommunication.htm

This quote caught my eye:
"Since the very first telephone companies were founded, it seems that telecommunication companies never do business as just one entity when ten would do. Whatever the reason - be it compliance with local regulations, taking advantages of tax loopholes, obfuscation or simply fondness of complexity - subsidiaries and complex corporate structures are the raison d'être for these companies."

It seems complexity is a family trait for Terry that he just can't shake off.

Unwarranted Optimism

Terry hates change; change is bad because it might result in his formal 'job description' changing. Heavens that would be dreadful.   What often happens is that some Terries may identify this and hire in some non-Terries from elsewhere. They might come in with unbridled optimism and try to 'fix things'.  Unfortunately as the narrative above explains, this most often results in unwarranted optimism because Terry and  his Immune System (see below) often comes to the rescue and kills any such optimism before it can flourish.  

Effort

A few weeks ago I was working on a project whereby I needed to get some slides to review. It was getting late on Friday and I was to take a flight home, so I asked Terry to give me the slides so I could read them on my flight home. Terry refused because his union rules only allowed him to work 32 hours a week. Despite my not being in the union, he told me that he was not allowed to encourage others to work more than him. He sent me the slides the following Monday.

Terry & Process

Terry loves process. Processes are necessary in order to build & deliver consistent services but process for process' sake is bad.

It always amazes me how many processes are required to get anything done with Terry. This process bloat seriously hampers the time taken to get a service to market. I've lost count of the number of projects where there appears to be more delivery (aka process) managers than there are people actually delivering the product or service.

Every now and again I hear that the bloat will be stripped away (along with the associated middle management) but it always creeps (often runs) back in and we're back to process bloat in no time.

Maybe it's because Terry is very comfortable when he has a process to follow - it's like a comfort blanket for him, he doesn't need to think for himself he's just following the process or maybe it's a symptom of a large company where people have to find someway to appear useful & important in order to perpetuate their justification for being employed?

Dilbert & Terry (2)

Allen is Terry!

Meetings

Terry loves meetings. A day full of meetings is a very predictable
way of spending another day in the office, or even a day at home when they are held via teleconference.

However, meetings can be deceptive just like e-mail. They can give the false satisfaction of a good days work when little has really been achieved.

It always surprises me when I attend a meeting that is full of lots of people yet only a small number of the attendees ever speak. The organiser often seems to have invited everyone under the sun and I am never sure whether this is because they want to avoid offending anyone by not inviting them, or just that they've invited everyone they know to justify having a meeting.

I am always amazed that people also seem to have the time to attend meetings where they don't contribute, maybe they just like attending meetings even if they're not relevant to their work or maybe they're in the wrong place but too embarrassed to 'fess up. The other day I was sat in a meeting and just as it was about to start someone rushed in and sat down. We did some introductions and it was clear that he was in the wrong room as his job was completely different to everyone else's. As the meeting was just a meet & greet I didn't say anything and neither did anyone else. It was almost an hour before he realised he was in the wrong place. Incredible!

Terry Cloth

Terry’s dress code is one of conformance. He must not stray from the standard issue outfit comprised of a sensibly nice grey (or other monochromatic color scheme) suit from M&S and a matching tie. Once every ten or fifteen years Terry makes a periodic trip to his local M&S, buying two pairs of trousers and one jacket to ensure it will last until his next trip. He prefers mixed wool/polyester as it tends to outlast pure wool, or sometimes 100% polyester as it is cheaper. Terry wears sensible black leather shoes with this outfit – just like the ones his mum bought him when he was a schoolboy.

Changing any of these things (or any other kind) would be very upsetting to Terry. He will not deviate from this Plan of Record. Deviation from this standard outfit upsets Terry as it might result in discord and discontent. Terry is Change Averse. Terry likes to wrap himself in his warm and safe Terry Cloth.

Opening up access to the blog

As you may have noticed I am struggling to find the cycles to keep the blog up to date so I am opening it up for others to post.

If you would like to become a terrytelco.com blogger just e-mail your details and short overview of what you could bring to terrytelco.com and I may add you as an author

Pipe Dreams

Terry likes selling bandwidth pipes. It's something he can understand because selling bandwidth pipes is pretty similar to selling circuits and Terry has been selling circuits his entire life.

However, Terry needs to stop just selling pipes and start to sell services. Pipes are a commodity business with low (and ever decreasing) margins. Services are where the revenues are, pipes are just a means to deliver the services.

If Terry doesn't start to sell high margin services as well as pipes then someone else will be selling the high margin services and keeping the revenue to themselves leaving Terry with just his low margin pipes. In fact it's already happening and Terry is at risk of being left behind before he even starts.

Terry-O-Meter

I have added a Terry-O-Meter to the left hand side of the page which I will use to show my current level of frustration caused by Terry.

The hare & the tortoise

We were all told Aesop's fable of the hare and the tortoise as children. The moral being slow and steady wins the race. Terry is the tortoise and his competitors are hares.

In the past where networks were built using equipment that was expected to remain deployed for years, if not decades, slow and steady was a good approach as you had time on your side and any mistakes could lead to additional cost for years to come.

In today's world time is not on your side - time to market is critical and equipment may only stay in the network for 24-36 months. This means that if it takes longer than 6-12 months to deploy then either the equipment will not manage to pay for itself or you run the risk of it being superceded by new, cheaper equipment and/or technology which makes you uncompetitive in the market or worse the equipment is end of life before it is even deployed!

Terry needs to change from being a tortoise to being a hare as slow and steady no longer wins the race.

Dilbert & Terry

I know how Asok feels...

Corporate Epidemics

My musing on Corporate Immune systems prompted me to finally read Malcolm Gladwell's The Tipping Point. The book is all about epidemics, specifically what causes social epidemics like fashion trends or crime sprees/declines etc.

I started wondering whether the same principles can be used to create a corporate epidemic - specifically one targetted at Terry's immune system.

The things that causes an event to "tip" and become an epidemic are often small and seemingly inconsequential. Rarely is an epidemic caused by a single big event although that is often what is concluded as a result of superficial analysis. This got me thinking that the way to combat Terry is not with big events but with many small, grass roots level changes.

Gladwell concludes that the cause of social epidemics is a combination of:

1. A small group of extraordinary people who produce the original idea/strategy/marketing/etc.
2. A group of "connectors" who have the contacts and personal relationships required to spread the idea.
3. The "stickiness" of the idea - i.e. how memorable it is so that it sparks people into action.
4. The ability for the idea to move from popularity amongst Early Adopters and be picked up by the Mainstream.
   

The first three are relatively easy to achieve provided you have the right people and even if you don't you can hire them. Number four is IMO the hardest part of all and why so many good ideas either fail or are defeated by the corporate immune system.

To achieve number four requires that the original idea is translated into a form that is understandable by and palatable to Terry. This doesn't require that the idea is dramatically changed from its original form, just that it is presented to Terry in a manner that he can comprehend and consequently it pushes the right buttons to spur him into action. Once a few Terries have picked up the idea, it will likely cascade and and become an epidemic infecting Terries at every level within the organisation. The best bit of all is that once infected Terry won't even realise what has happened.

Therefore, good ideas & good people aren't enough unless you also have the "translators" that can infect Terry with those ideas and cause Terry to create his own corporate epidemics that are ultimately his downfall and conversion from Terry to Non-Terry.

A week without Terry

I have had a number of complaints about the blog not being updated recently. My apologies I have been on holiday spending time blissfully not thinking about Terry.

Corporate Immunity

Corporations have a "corporate immune system". Just as a biological immune system serves to protect its host from potentially damaging pathogens, the corporate immune system serves to protect the corporation from potentially damaging ideas. As the immune system is generally adaptive over time it becomes stronger, so the older the corporation the stronger its immune response becomes. This is why most old corporations are considered to be conservative in their approach to new ideas.

Unfortunately most large corporations have developed a hypersensitive immune system where the immune system actually serves to damage its host by attacking and failing to embrace new ideas which would be of benefit to the corporation.

Hypersensitive biological immune systems systems can be treated with medication but what is the appropriate treatment for a hypersensitive corporate immune system?

Walled Gardens 2

Fancy getting stuck in the lift overnight?


This reminds me of the BOFH, specifically this episode.

Institutionalisation

Terry is institutionalised. The structure and routine that Terry has followed for many years has lead to a narrowing and reduction in his ability to perform critical judgement and reasoning.

Just like a long term prisoner, Terry is surrounded by barriers that prevent his escape, only the barriers are often not imposed upon him but are of Terry's own making.

Unlike a prisoner, Terry does have the option of escape by seeking a new employer but, like many prisoners, escape is often not an option considered by Terry as his institutionalisation means he is unable to integrate himself back into the wider telecommunications society.

Terry has therefore condemned himself to a life sentence, where life means until retirement.

Is there anything we can do to help Terry reintegrate back into society?

Technology as a service

Terry doesn't sell services, he sells technology. This leads to a proliferation of service specific platforms, a migration nightmare for Terry's customers and additional costs for Terry as it makes platform closure more difficult than it should be.

What customers want is service, they don't (generally) care what the underlying technology is as long as their service requirements and SLAs are met.

Services should be decoupled from the technology used to deliver them. This has a number of advantages including:

- The ability to deliver the same service over a range of delivery technologies/networks (including ones that Terry does not own).
- The ability to change the delivery technology/network without having to change the service definition.
- The ability to offer converged services even if the underlying technology/network platforms aren't converged.
- Etc.

Terry is trying to decouple his services from the delivery technology but it requires a holistic approach and this is a new concept for Terry and one he is struggling with. By the time he gets there will it be too late?

Walled Gardens

Terry loves walled gardens. He appears to have extended the concept to his building security. As I was leaving tonight I saw a number of visitors trying to leave the building but their visitors badges did not work on the automatic security gates so they couldn't get out. What did Terry's security guard do? Open the gate for the visitors as you'd expect, oh no, he refused to let them out.

It would appear that Terry is no longer just a mindset, it's a disease and it's spreading. Time for mandatory vaccinations.

I was only following the project plan

Terry doesn't think for himself. Terry doesn't question his 'orders'. Terry doesn't or can't consider the big picture. All Terry cares about is ticking off the tasks in his project plan and delivering his project on time (which he frequently fails to do).

The result for Terry: An inability to offer truly converged services as each service is defined and delivered in isolation (on separate, often incompatible, platforms) without any consideration for the other services that Terry offers.

The result for Terry's customers: Frustration and confusion!

The solution: Terry should be held to account for his telecommunications crimes.

Terry Telco

Working in telecommunications means I regularly have to interact with people I will nickname 'Terry Telco' or 'Terry' for short. Terry often has a blinkered view of the world which I suspect is the result of the world of telecommunications evolving around him at a pace which is faster than he can adapt to. Terry is the telecommunications equivalent of Homo sapiens neanderthalensis.

I intend to use this blog to vent the frustration that Terry causes me on a daily basis as well as to publish the random thoughts and opinions that I am too polite to inflict on people in person.